Volume Eleven Issue Fifteen

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 .............._______
 ............./      /            THE LEGENDARY TIMES
 ............/      /         http://www.legendmud.org/
 .........../      /.....______.._____.....______.._____.......____
 ........../      /...../     /./     \.../     /./     \...../    \
 ........./      /...../  ___/./  ____/../  ___/./  __   \.../  /\  \
 ......../      /...../  /_.../  /....../  /_.../  /..\   >./  /./  /
 ......./      /...../  __/../  /____../  __/../  /.../  /./  /./  /
 ....../      /_____/__/__../  \_\  /./  /__../  /.../  /./  /_/  /
 ...../ Celebrating    / /./       /./     /./  /.../  /./       /
 ..../ our 10th year  /_/..\______/./_____/./__/.../__/./_______/ MUD
 .../________________/      running on         mud.legendmud.org 9999
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
 VOLUME ELEVEN, NUMBER FIFTEEN                    September 27, 2004
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

                         TABLE OF CONTENTS
                         The Editor's Note

                       NEWS, REPORTS, UPDATES
                         Calendar of Events
                           Recent Updates
                      King of Trivia Crowned!
              News From the Whips and Chains Department
               Did You Know: DETERMINING MATERIAL TYPES

                            LEGENDITES
                  LegendKickBack, California Style
                           To the Editor
                             
                             CLAN NEWS

                             PK Front
                      The War of the Chosen
                    Junior PK Tourney Results

                       One Down, Two To Go
                 Dino's AutoBiography - Chapter Five

                      A Word from Our Sponsor
___                                                               ___
\  |-------------------------------------------------------------|  /
/__|                      The Editor's Note                      |__\
   '-------------------------------------------------------------'

Sorry for the lateness of this issue, this weekend kind of got away
from me and all of a sudden it was Monday morning. =P Ugh. Bleah.

As you may have noticed, we're trying to get more information on each
department and I'm trying to make it easy on the department heads
and/or their chosen volunteer by rotating the columns each week, so
PR will be up next week and we'll start over again with Coding the
next week.

You might also recall that immortal apps were due at the beginning of
the month (they'll be due again on March 1st) and we've just wrapped
up the voting phase, but aren't quite at the point where we're ready
to publicly announce the results yet. We'd like to let the applicants
know first. But we hope to have the news become public knowledge
within the next week or two. Yes, sometimes it really does that that
long to catch up with everyone and organize when we're going to do
the immorting ceremony.

The biggest news is that Kae's Dante's Inferno area is scheduled to
be installed into the running mud next Saturday! I know everyone's
been looking forward to new nooks and crannies to explore and fresh
mobs to die to... err... I mean fodder to kill. Don't expect a remake
of the old Hell, this is an entirely new spin on the area!

The events calendar is looking full again with The Autumn Casino on
Tuesday night and October just around the corner and the Classic
Games Series about to kick off. Looks to be lots of fun and prizes!

Have a great week,

-Kaige
___                                                               ___
\  |-------------------------------------------------------------|  /
/__|                LegendMUD Calendar of Events                 |__\
   '-------------------------------------------------------------'
       [All times are system time unless otherwise specified]

              SEPTEMBER                      OCTOBER
         Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa          Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa
                   1  2  3  4                          1  2
          5  6  7  8  9 10 11           3  4  5  6  7  8  9
         12 13 14 15 16 17 18          10 11 12 13 14 15 16
         19 20 21 22 23 24 25          17 18 19 20 21 22 23
         26 27 28 29 30                24 25 26 27 28 29 30
                                       31

Tuesday,    September 28th,    8:00 pm    Autumn Casino
Wednesday,  September 29th,   2pm-10pm    PK BattleZone 
                                     (HELP BATTLEZONE for more info)
Thursday,   September 30th,    7:30 pm    Q&A in the OOC Auditorium
Saturday,   October    2nd                Dante's Inferno Install
Tuesday,    October    5th     8:00 pm    Classic Games Series: 
                                             Recalltag!
Wednesday,  October    6th,   2pm-10pm    PK BattleZone 
Thursday,   October    7th,    7:30 pm    Q&A in the OOC Auditorium
Tuesday,    October   12th     8:00 pm    Classic Games Series: 
                                             Scavenger Hunt!
Wednesday,  October   13th,   2pm-10pm    PK BattleZone 
Thursday,   October   14th,    7:30 pm    Q&A in the OOC Auditorium
Tuesday,    October   19th     8:00 pm    Classic Games Series: 
                                             Recalltag!
Wednesday,  October   20th,   2pm-10pm    PK BattleZone 
Thursday,   October   21st,    7:30 pm    Q&A in the OOC Auditorium
Tuesday,    October   26th     8:00 pm    Classic Games Series: 
                                             Scavenger Hunt!
Wednesday,  October   27th,   2pm-10pm    PK BattleZone 
Thursday,   October   28th,    7:30 pm    Q&A in the OOC Auditorium
Sunday,     October   31st                Happy Halloween!

Via iCal:     webcal://icalx.com/public/kaige/LegendMUD32Events.ics
Any browser:  www.icalx.com/html/kaige/day.php?cal=LegendMUD32Events
___                                                               ___
\  |-------------------------------------------------------------|  /
/__|                 King of Trivia Crowned!                     |__\
   '-------------------------------------------------------------'

This past Saturday, a new King of Trivia was crowned. In a
hard-fought contest between the top finishers in this summer's Trivia
Challenge competition, Nephiel rose above the rest to seize the
crown. The battle of wits was held in a soundproof booth system
dubbed 'The Eye', which allowed each competitor to give their answers
in isolation from the others. The questions were drawn from all the
categories which competitors had avoided all summer long -- only the
hardest and the most obscure topics were available to these fearless
finalists!

With 6 of 10 correct, Nephiel took the top spot. However, the contest
wasn't over! Chauvelin and Occam tied for second place with five
questions each, and Chauvelin seized the second slot in double
overtime! Rounding out the finishes were Somar, Siachet, and Autumn
with 4 questions each, Nevyn with 3, and Skadi with 1.

Here are the 10 questions which comprised the final showdown -- check
your knowledge against the participants and see the answers at the
bottom of the LT!

 1. Who wrote 'Lolita' and 'Pale Fire'?

 2. Who wrote the operas 'Love for Three Oranges' 'War and Peace',
    and 'Peter and the Wolf'?

 3. What Greek practice involved citizens gathering and each
    inscribing a name on small fragment of pottery?

 4. What was the name of the prison beneath the Underworld, where
    Ixion, Tantalus, and Sisyphus suffered?

 5. Who took the title of 'Lord Protector' of England in 1653?

 6. Who was Julius Caesar's chief lieutenant, who helped Octavian
    hunt down his assassins?

 7. Whose dancing won her the prize of John the Baptist's head on a
    platter, at the urging of her mother, Herod's wife Herodias?

 8. What Muslim shrine was build on the location where Abraham showed
    willingness to sacrifice Isaac and where Mohammed ascended to
    heaven?

 9. What Japanese emperor declared his divinity a myth, ending the
    deification of Japanese emperors?

10. From what goddess were Japanese emperors previously believed to
    be descended?
___                                                               ___
\  |-------------------------------------------------------------|  /
/__|                       Recent Updates                        |__\
   '-------------------------------------------------------------'

    /\                      CODE UPDATES
   /  \     
  /    \    GENERAL CHANGES
 /_    _\     o Alertness on a victim of a backstab will now have a
   |  |         random duration.
   |  |       o Attributes and examine are now 'NO_LAG' commands.
   |  |     
   |__|     TYPO FIXES
    /\        o Social fixes: beckon, bkiss.
   /  \       o Mood fixes: confused.
  /    \    
 /_    _\   
   |  |                   HELPFILE UPDATES
   |  |     
   |  |     There were no helpfiles updated this past week.
   |__|     
    /\      
   /  \                     AREA UPDATES
  /    \    
 /_    _\   If you want to suggest specific improvements or new
   |  |     additions to existing areas please don't hesitate to
   |  |     submit them with the idea/bug/typo commands or drop
   |  |     mudmail to the builder currently responsible for the area
   |__|     (check AREAINFO to find out!).
    /\      
   /  \     Thanks to everyone that submitted bug/typo/idea reports!
  /    \    
 /_    _\   Paul in the Wild Boar Tavern (OOC) will be offering
   |  |     INSPIRE reimbs for non-Limans. ASK PAUL UNLEARN for
   |  |     character specific eligibility.
   |  |     
   |__|     ALHAMBRA
    /\           Slabs of alabaster are a little less tough.
   /  \     ARABIAN NIGHTS
  /    \         Some spam reduction work.
 /_    _\   CELTIC IRELAND
   |  |          Old man by the sea now returns to the beach.
   |  |     GYPSY CARNIVAL
   |  |          Another attempt at breaking Irish Joes shoe fettish.
   |__|          Various bug/typo fixes.
    /\      KLEINSTADT
   /  \          The hunters have been tweaked, be careful! Some mobs
  /    \         should be more responsive. Various bug/typo fixes.
 /_    _\   OOC
   |  |          Updates the Expie room. Various bug/typo fixes.
   |  |     PR
   |  |          Some fixes to recalltag.
   |__|     SHERWOOD
    /\           Robin Hood now has a weapon, be careful! Some resets
   /  \          have been tweaked.
  /    \    WW1 SOMME
 /_    _\        Tweaks the stats on the recently added jacket. Fix
   |  |          for the doctor. Various bug/typo fixes.
   |  |     AZTECS, BOSTON, GYPSY CARNIVAL, HOSPITALLER MALTA,
   |  |     MELBOURNE, PORT OF LONDON, and SAN FRANCISCO
   |__|          Various bug/typo fixes.
    /\      
   /  \                    In Progress Area Updates
  /    \    
 /_    _\   This section is intended to share what builders are 
   |  |     working on behind the scenes. It is not a perfect record
   |  |     of progress as all builders do not commit updates every 
   |  |     week. Badgering builders about their progress will get 
   |__|     you flogged.
    /\      
   /  \             Firefly       Japan
  /    \            Kae           Larderello (Dante's Inferno)
 /_    _\           Kaige         1950's Americana
   |  |             Kaige         El Dorado
   |  |             Kaige         Port of London
   |  |             Nestor        Ancient Carthage
   |__|             Rufus         SL Expansion
___                                                               ___
\  |-------------------------------------------------------------|  /
/__|    News From the Whips and Chains Department -- by Kae      |__\
   '-------------------------------------------------------------'
               ,____  
               |---.\ 
       ___     |    ` 
      / .-\  ./=)     The Admin Department is, as you probably know,
     |  |"|_/\/|      the group of fluffy people who maintain a good
     ;  |-;| /_|      bit of the help file system, uphold the rules,
    / \_| |/ \ |      and deal with complaints. I take quite some
   /      \/\( |      pride in stating that LegendMUD has one of the
   |   /  |` ) |      best help file systems on MUDs out there, the
   /   \ _/    |      result of years and years of working and
  /--._/  \    |      updating by pr and admin people both.
  `/|)    |    /      
    /     |   |       Here's a tidbit from the punitive side of our
  .'      |   |       job that has been requested every once in a
 /         \  |       blue moon by various players: How many warnings
(_.-.__.__./  /       are given out, and what for? Well, here it is.

5 severe warnings, 17 medium warnings, and 88 minor warnings were
issued, with a total of 110 warnings in 2004 to date. Well over 50%
of these were for language violations (swearing, sexually explicit
language, racism, slander, etc. on public channels). Of the
remainder, half of these were for in-game information.

So what is in-game information? HELP RULES has the following to say:

10. In-game information (such as mob or item stats, quest solutions,
    etc.) may not be placed on public channels or boards (including
    clan boards, and clan channels). This information is also not
    allowed in illusions. (See HELP CHEAT, HELP CHANNELS).

So what exactly is hard to understand about that?

The problem usually isn't that people don't realize that something is
in-game information if they think about it for a millisecond. The
problem, if so it can be called, is that people generally want to be
helpful to others so that others are helpful to them. They see
somebody request something on a channel and respond with the answer
without pausing to think about whether the information would be
better sent in a tell.

Well, right away it doesn't seem to make a lot of sense that you
can't give the information that someone wants on a channel but you're
perfectly allowed to tell them anything you want in a tell. The
information they obtain is the same -- so what's the big deal?

The big deal is other players who may not want to receive the
information you're offering. Some players like to get a quick answer
to a question such as 層ho teaches armslore?' -- others only want to
know which area to look for the teacher in, and others yet don't want
to know anything at all, preferring to search for him or her on their
own. We have to respect and protect the rights of all three kinds of
players -- and the only way we can do that is by enforcing that
answers get given directly to the people posing the questions. That
means, in tells, not on public channels.

May your journeys be safe and your mouth safely shut where
appropriate.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
   _____    
  /  _  \   DID YOU KNOW: Tips and tricks and little-used features
 /__/ \  \  
      /  /  Did you know... there are at least three ways to tell 
     /  /   what type of material a given piece of ARMOR is made?
    /__/    
    __      If the object is for sale at a shopkeeper, you can 
   /  \     PREVIEW the ARMOR. If you have the ARMOR in your 
   \__/     possession you can use either the APPRAISE skil or the 
   _____    IDENTIFY OBJECT spell to get this information as well.
  /  _  \   
 /__/ \  \  If you don't have either of those abilities, you will 
      /  /  need to ask around to find another player to help you,
     /  /   perhaps asking a fee for their services.
    /__/    
    __      For some of the more fragile material types, builders
   /  \     are looking for ways to provide some mobs with services
   \__/     that will increase and extend the life of certain items.
            Keep an eye open for them!
___                                                               ___
\  |-------------------------------------------------------------|  /
/__|  LEGENDITES: Information Regarding the People of Our World  |__\
   '-------------------------------------------------------------'

                  LegendKickBack, California Style

In the next few days SIlverback and Vahn will be posting info on a
possible LegendMEET type event in California. They're very serious
about this and would like anyone who lives in Cali or would like to
come to send either one of them a note. Its iffy right now but
they're working on it very hard. So, let them know if you are in CA
and interested or even if your just interested and don't live in CA.

             =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

The following letter was found tucked under our doormat with a single
red rose shortly after last week's issue was delivered:

          To the Editor:

          For many years now I have been a faithful and
          restrained subscriber of this magazine. With
          extraordinary patience I have often put up with 
          a lot of less interesting articles, especially
          during the silly season. This time, however, I
          believe you have allowed yourself too many words
          of drivel. Last issue's piece about the progress
          in the building department was quite detailed
          and - I am quite sure - a so-called 'scroller'.
          For the benefit of your splendid magazine and the
          best of the rest of the subscribers, I, therefore,
          humbly offer to entertain Kae (and if necessary
          other long-legged blonde members of the building
          department) with various types of physical
          exercise next time (and possibly every time
          thereafter) a deadline looms ahead.

          Sir Robar Royce.

                         =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

After sitting on the "in" stack on the desk for a bit, one morning
the letter suddenly appeared to have been crumpled, chewed, clawed
and otherwise mangled and replaced in the box. The reverse side of
the paper had the following scribbled on it:

          Dook ChewMunch,

          Dooky dookdook dodok  gndook gngn dookie gngr
          Grrrdook yip rawrstrut gnyipe dookieyip gngroo gn
          rawrbounce gnip. Yipgook gndoo gukdook gnrr
          yuppiedook rarrr yipnuzzlepet yukduk gnflop,
          dookdookity gnrg dookiedookie yum duk yumyum.

          Dookidook,
          Rawr gn Rawrhissgrr.

One look at that scribbling and we knew a ferret had been batting
this letter around the room, so we immediately flipped open our
Ferret->English dictionary and got to work translating it. It read:

          Dear Robar,

          It's been entirely too long since any Knights
          blessed me with their presence in my backyard.
          When you come to entertain my mom before
          deadline, please slather your shin with ketchup.

          Yours,
          Fridolin the ferret.

So if you happen to see a charming and flirtatious Knight walking
around with some red goop smeared on his shins, you can bet it's Sir
Robar Royce on his way to our offices! The question is, how far
behind will his wife be?
  ___                                                          ___ 
  \  |--------------------------------------------------------|  /
  /__|                     Clan News                          |__\
     '--------------------------------------------------------'

There are currently 20 RP clans and 3 PK clans. This leaves open
slots for nine (9) more clans to form. For more information, read
HELP CLAN and see the clan information list via the CLANS command
while logged into the game. For a basic handbook and reference guide
for players interested in starting and running a clan, we recommend
that before you even type FORM, you visit:
             http://www.legendmud.org/Reference/gm.html.
  ___                                                          ___ 
  \  |--------------------------------------------------------|  /
  /__|                     PK Front                           |__\
     '--------------------------------------------------------'

                     The War of the Chosen

You all are the Un-Chosen. It is I who seek you out at night. I am
your death, as well as your life. In me, and in death, you will find
solace. Learn, you insidiously vile Un-chosen, that eternal life will
be found through battle. Attack the Mighty Senusret Khakaure III, and
the Gods of the Nile will grant you favor. Attack me not, and you
all will live grey lives of repeating death.

Pharoah S.

             =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

                   Junior PK Tourney Results

Results are in from the Junior PK Tourney which was held on last
Sunday, September 20th!

Our competitors were:

(15-24)                           (25-34)
Gadolinium   Judah                Razael       Kerry
Miraculix    Solidus              Occam        Quagmire
YieXa

In round one, our results were as follows....:

     Solidus versus Gadolinium: Gadolinium wins
     Razael versus Quagmire: Quamire wins
     Miraculix versus YieXa: Yiexa wins
     Kerry versus Occam: Kerry wins
     Judah takes a BYE

In round two, some competitors chose not to continue into
double-elimination, and the field narrowed:

     Judah vs YieXa: Judah wins
     Occam vs Quagmire: Quagmire wins
     Kerry takes a BYE
     Gadolinium takes a BYE

Round three was fought with Quagmire versus Kerry for the
championship in the upper bracket, best two of three. In the lower
bracket, Judah, Gadolinium, and YieXa remained, and the contest was
fought round-robin.

The fights transpired as follows:

     Judah vs. Gadolinium: Judah wins
     Quagmire vs. Kerry: Quagmire wins
     Judah vs. YieXa: Judah wins
     Quagmire vs. Kerry: Quagmire wins
     YieXa vs. Gadolinium: YieXa wins

When the blood was mopped from the floors, Judah and Quagmire stood
victorious! Second place was claimed by Kerry and YieXa, third by
Gadolinium and Occam.

             =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

If you witness or commit any glorious or nefarious deeds, send a
short report to us at the LT. If you are looking for a fight,
recruiting, or anything else related to PKill (not necessarily PK
Clan related), send it in! It's free AND you'll get a prize token! Be
a celebrity, the envy of all your friends! Tick off your enemies or
just tell your side of the story! Get YOUR name up in lights! We
can't report it if you don't tell us!
              _______________________
             /                       \
        o O | Wonder what folks are   |
  `\|||/    | doing over at LegendMUD?|
   (o o)     \_______________________/
ooO_(_)_Ooo__________________________________________________________
_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|___
__|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|

                     One Down, Two To Go

I woke up early in the morning to get a good start on my journey for
the lamp. I readied my things in a short time and set off into the
dark cave near the mountain by the small shack i had been staying in,
in search of my infinite treasures. I walked for what seemed like an
eternity into the cave with only my bright orange torch lighting up
the darkened cave. I had stumbled upon a small opening in the side of
the cave.  I quickly drew out my pick and hacked away at the wall. As
I stepped into the new found room it was a large hallow room with a
single hole in the middle with what looked like an endless staircase.
As I thought of all the glory I would find in the bottom of the
cavern I walked slowly down the steps. Every step I took echoed on
the walls of the cavern. After about an hour or so plunging into the
darkness on the stairway i saw a small glimmer of gold. I was so
excited, I began to run down the stairs at the thought of what was
down there. I quickly got down the stairway, as I got to the bottom I
saw a small golden lamp; it was exactly what I had come to get. As I
stared into the Golden luster of the lamp, my chest began to tighten.
I slowly ran my darkened rag across the shiny surface of the the
lamp.  A dark green smoke began to rise from the lamp, as the Genie
rose from the lamp I screamed with wonder and excitement. The Genie
informed me that I had 3 wishes and I could use them in any way I
wanted. I thought for about 10 minutes while the Genie stared at me.
To tell you the truth I was fairly afraid of his piercing green eyes.
I shouted out my first wish, It was to be able to create anything
that I wish whenver I felt like it.  The Genie snorted and loudly
said, 'Is that your first wish, boy?' I replied with a quick nod.  He
quickly drew up his fist and brought it down upon my head. When I
awoke the Genie Informed me that my wish had been granted. I began to
smile and held up my hand and thought of gold and shaped it to form
around my hand.  When I opened my eyes my hand was covered in a solid
gold armlet. I grinned and stood up on my feet.

             =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

                 Dino's AutoBiography - Chapter Five

'They're coming, Dino,' the man said to me, almost whispering. I
looked at him and took my usual 'who are you and how do you know my
name' position. He was leaning against one of the walls with his head
down. Not too old, black hair, I couldn't tell the color of his eyes
because his head was down. I could tell by his clothing that he was
not a resident of the houses on this street. Or maybe he was. He was
wearing a black leather jacket and black pants. Looked very much like
black jeans. A pair of cowboy like boots were worn on his feet and a
gnawed on toothpick stuck out of his mouth. Maybe the town's
gangster. I doubted that this little town would have gangsters
though. 'The guards, their going to take you back.' He said quietly,
chewing on the toothpick.

'Who are you first of all?' I peered at him, looking him up and down
and waited for an answer. 'They can't take me back now that I am
out.'

'Oh yes they can, little Dino.' Just the two words 'little' and
'Dino' irritated me. 'Your father had no right to take you out of
there.' He planned on continuing to talk but before he did, he
removed the toothpick from his mouth, tossed it on the ground with a
dozen more toothpicks, pulled a new, not chewed one out of his pocket
and placed it in his mouth. Carefully, he bit on the toothpick
probably checking if it's a good toothpick or not and left it in his
mouth, chewing slowly. 'Your father, Jaenrik, paid a lot of money to
get you out of there and bring you home as his little girl.' He
paused, looked up, looked around, looked down, and went on. 'But what
you don't know is that your dad fell into some great debts trying to
get that money leaving a lot of people looking for him.' I actually
couldn't believe that my father actually went into debts to get me
back.

'How much debt exactly?' I questioned. Not that I could help him get
the money but I could at least know it. But a few minutes passed
after I asked that question and the man rudely ignored me, still
chewing. 'And what might your name be?' I questioned again and yet
again, I was ignored. I turned my head to see the position of the sun
since I didn't have a watch; it was around three in the afternoon. As
soon as I turned my head back to him, he was gone! I looked around
for him and he wasn't there, just many of his bitten toothpicks.
Nothing. I shrugged to myself and went along my way. Around five in
the evening, I was home. My mother and father were napping on the
couch like all parents do around this time, then they get up, cook
and serve dinner, and go back to sleep for the night. I tiptoed
around the couch and into the kitchen. I looked around for some lunch
maybe on the table or counters since I was busy in town and couldn't
make it. Unfortunately, none of the lunch was left for me. I peeked
into the cupboards for a snack but there wasn't any. 'Oh well,' I
thought to myself and went into the living room to find my parents up
and ready to get to dinner. They looked as though they were never
even asleep. They both walked into the kitchen to start cooking and I
decided to go outside and wait for it to be done. Even from the
outside, you could smell the chicken roasting and hear the plates
clanking together. I wondered about that man on the street. How would
he know about me getting out and how would he know about my father's
debts? I guessed that I would have to find out on my own.

                    -End of Chapter Five-

             =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

                     A Word from Our Sponsor
            
                Wilderness Walk: Elezvoi's Bath House
                          by Jack Paris

After a long day of travelling, I longed for a nice hot bath. The
dust and grime that covered my skin was too much to bear, and my
clothes reeked of the ocean and sweat.

The fort I had stopped to rest at was rather rustic, to put it
nicely. The beds in the common sleeping room were lumpy and covered
with thin blankets - not to mention filled with fleas, ticks, and
other permanent residents. While the food in the kitchen was meagre,
it was hearty and satisfying. While I was sipping hot tea, I gloomily
thought about how long journey would be back to more civilized
accomodations, where I could lounge in a steamy tub.

To my surprise and delight, I found the fort actually had a bath
house! I wouldn't have to wait weeks afterall.

The bath house attendant, Elezvoi, was very accomodating and
pleasant. While he did not have some of the amenities I would have
liked, he had the necessities - soap, towels, and shaving utensils.
And he was more than willing to add any number of herbs to my bath
water to enhance my bathing experience. Since the men of the fort are
restricted to a single bath daily due to the primitive setup, he let
me soak for as long as I liked.

I daresay it was the best bath I have ever had. If you find yourself
in the vicinity of the Russian fort in Alaska, I would recommend
taking some time out for a relaxing bath at Elezvoi's bath house.

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                         Trivia Answers

1. Vladimir Nabokov 2. Sergei Prokofiev 3. ostracisation 4. Tartarus 
5. Oliver Cromwell 6. Marcus Antonius (or Marc Antony) 7. Salome
8. the Dome of the Rock (or The Gold Dome) 9. Hirohito 10. Amaterasu
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