Volume Three Expie Edition

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SPECIAL EDITION                                            May 30, 1996
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                    THE SECOND ANNUAL EXPIES AWARDS
 Memorial Day Monday in the OOC Lounge Auditorium, a large crowd gathered
 for the five hour Expies ceremony, and the winners were announced to great
 cheers in the auditorium and over the expies conference. The following is
 the list of all the winners and runners up from the Expies. I would like
 to thank everybody who voted and nominated for the Expies, it couldn't have
 happened otherwise.


                          THE AREAS CATEGORIES
                          --------------------
                         ELESSAR MEMORIAL AWARD
                     (for best history in an area)

                Winner:     BEOWULF           by Ptah
               Runner-up:   ANCIENT INDIA     by Rufus


                           H. G. WELLS MEDAL
  (for the place you would most like to visit if you could time travel)
                Winner:     THE NEW PARTS OF HELL by Flagg
               Runner-up:   PARIS OPERA HOUSE     by Bart

                                BEST ROOM
            Winner:     ALONGSIDE THE WATERFALL  by Parrilyn, FIW
   A thundering rush and jumble of frothy water pours over and down to the
   wide pool of water below. Rainbows dance in the mist surrounding the
   waterfall. The river widens a bit at the  top, slightly slowing the
   flow of water from its hectic pace up above in the rapids. Huge,
   moss-covered boulders flank each side of the waterfall. Trees and large
   bushes overhang to the water here and there. Thankfully, the pool is
   free of rough rocks and boulders, making survival of traversing the
   falls with a boat possible with a skilled boatman.

           Runner-up:  HYGELAC'S MEAD-HALL  by Ptah, Beowulf
   Long tables, feast-laden, adorn this warrior's hall. Here the mighty songs
   are sung, and here the dream of the rood is dreamt when men are moved to
   think of God. Hearth-fire blazes in a pit at the back, where careful women,
   bread- bakers, prepare the meals; and sand lines the floors, small-grained
   stone, to absorb the fallen wine and blood.

                                 BEST ITEM
                 Winner:     SKYBLADE  by Ptah, Beowulf
                Runner-up:   KITTY     by Flagg/Eva, HOL


                   THE VAMPY SPECIAL AWARD FOR BEST MOB:
               Winner:     THE DHURTAH    by Rufus, Ancient India
              Runner-up:   EVA            by Flagg/Eva, HOL


                  THE LAMPY SPECIAL AWARD FOR BEST QUEST
        Winner:     BEOWULF              by Ptah
       Runner-up:   THE HP QUEST         by Rufus, in Ancient India


                             BEST SPECIAL EFFECT
     (this award goes to the best, most creative, and most interesting
          use of the mud's acts system to create a 'special effect.')

                          Winner:     APRIL FOOLS
                          by Ptah, Kaige, and Rufus
    On April Fools day, the whole mud had a new look, opening screens, mobs
    even gods had name changes to go with the theme of the Immortal
    Conspiracy Mud.

                       Runner-up:  ARJUANA'S QUEST ACTS
                           by Rufus, Ancient India


                                BEST DEATHTRAP
                                
                Winner:  BURNED TO A CRISP BY THE FORGING FIRES
                               by Ptah, Beowulf
    Heat, melting your metal, melting your flesh, burning it till it
    blackens, cooking the muscles off your bones. Your cloth ignites,
    your hair ignites, your fingernails crack and pop. This is beyond
    the heat of any fire: it is the heat of the belly of the dragon, the
    lava flow at the heart of the world. As you die, not even feeling
    your extremities, curling up into a fetal scream that dwindles as
    your brain boils, you imagine you hear Loki chortling in the halls
    of Walhalla.

                  Runner-up:  THE LAIR OF THE MASTER
                    by Bart, Paris Opera House
   Your very breath echoes quietly as you gaze about the enormous room
   confronting you. The room seems to have been carved from the living
   rock itself and reaches upwards, layer upon layer of carved rock face.
   A body of water lies in the east corner of the room, leading out
   through the living mist that envelops the room, blurring features and
   obscuring portions of the massive area. In front of you lies a creation
   of such enormity and peculiarity as you have ever seen. Huge pipes
   emanate from behind this table-like object and shoot up to the very
   ceiling, twisting and turning about the rock wall as they rise, the
   details lost in the swirling mist. Paper is strewn throughout the room,
   lining the floor, a strange scrawl decorating the pages that you can
   see. A small doorway lies to the west, and the walls part to the north
   allowing exit from this strangest of places.


                            GOLDEN SQUIRREL TROPHY
(In the early days of the mud, Fionn's vorpal squirrels caused innumerable
deaths. This award honors the mob whose design best epitomizes the spirit of
the vorpal squirrel.)
             Winner:     THE DHURTAH     by Rufus, in Ancient India
            Runner-up:   CERBERUS        by Flagg, in The new parts of Hell

                                    BEST AREA
                                (overall design)
            Winners:    ANCIENT INDIA            by Rufus
                        BEOWULF                  by Ptah
                        FRENCH AND INDIAN WARS   by Parrilyn
                        THE NEW PARTS OF HELL    by Flagg
           Runner-up:   PARIS OPERA HOUSE        by Bart

                                    BEST BUG
(given to the most interesting/conspicuous blooper in an area or in coding)
                          Winner:  THE TAKEABLE NILE
                               Charity's fault
   The Nile river when it first went in as a drinking source, could be pick-
   ed up and carried away. It was a permanent water source.

                           Runner-up: THE KICK BUG
                              Arkenstone's fault
   Arkenstone's thinking there were two lines of damage being done in kick
   when there was really only one, his deletion of that line, and kick doing
   no damage for a while. (Arkenstone's fault)


                          THE IMMORTALS CATEGORIES
                          ------------------------

                 BEST REASON FOR TURNING DOWN A REIMB REQUEST
             (given to the reason and to the immort who gave it)
 Winner: "Ohhh, that's the bug that's not a bug, but I suppose it might be a
 bug except that it isn't so I can't give you back your xp."
 (Ptah on why he could not reimb xp lost for no particular reason..
  definitely not a bug though)

Runner-up: Because it wasn't his area. (Arkenstone)

                 IMMORTAL YOU ARE MOST LIKELY TO ASK FOR HELP
                         Winner:      Ptah
                         Runners-up:  Charity and Parrilyn

              IMMORTAL YOU ARE MOST LIKELY TO ASK TO COOK FOR YOU
                              Winner:     Kaige
                              Runner-up:  Rufus

                                 BEST POOFS
                            Winner:     Ptah
  A wolf lopes up to you, grey-mane, yellow-eyed forest-walker,
  and then removes his skin, revealing Ptah standing as a wearer of the
  wolfshape, a warg out of the tales of spaemagic.

  Foul wyrm, the greed-eaten dragon that is the soul of a dead man, flies
  overhead, flame belching from its mouth! Ptah sees it and seizes ahold
  of its mighty tail, to be dragged away into the endless sky-garth, the
  heavens.
                            Runner-up:  Rufus
  Kermit appears out of nowhere announcing 'Let's have a warm welcome for...
  Rufus, yeaaaaaaaaaah' and waving his arms like a mad(frog?) exits the stage.
  The Curtains open and rufus stands there welcoming the crowd.
  
  With a snap of Rufus' fingers, a hoard of Jim Henson's muppets appear
  out of nowhere and break in to an arrangement of 'Movin' Right along.'
  When the song is over, Rufus is nowhere to be found.


                            SNAZZIEST DRESSER
                            Winner:     Rufus
                            Runner-up:  Flagg

                              BEST BUILDER
                            Winners:    Ptah
                            Runner-up:  Kaige

                           BEST ADMINISTRATOR
                            Winner:     Ptah
                            Runner-up:  Charity

                        THE SADIST FOR BEST CODER
               Winner:     Sadist, for the new fight system
               Runner-up:  Ptah,   for Moods

                            PLAYER CATEGORIES
                            -----------------

                         MOST HELPFUL TO NEWBIES
                            Winner:    Sandra
                           Runner-up:  Eretz

                                BEST CLAN
                     Winner:    The MacLarens
                    Runner-up:  The Coven

                            BEST GUILDMASTER
                Winners:     NORTHSTAR of the MacLarens
                             KHELLECK of the Knights
             Runners-up:     ERETZ of the Order of the Scroll
                             HOWARD of the Order of the Scroll


                       BEST ROLEPLAYING MELODRAMA
                  Winner:     FARNSWORTH'S PILGRIMAGE
             Listed in Legendary Times Vol 3 Num 3 (LTv3n3)
          Farnsorth the bard's great saga seeking enlightenment.

           Runner-up:  MORIA'S CONVERSION TO THE ANTI-PALADINS
             Listed in Legendary Times Vol 2 Num 25 (LTv2n25)
  Moria's conversion took place by The Dark Lord himself while No looked on.


             BEST SUPPORTING PLAYER IN A ROLEPLAYING MELODRAMA
 (given to the best performance by a peripherally involved character or mob)
                             Winner: The Dark Lord
                             Runner-up: Tad

                           BEST ROLEPLAYER (MALE)
                           Winner:     Tad
                           Runner-up:  Mercenary

                          BEST ROLEPLAYER (FEMALE)
                           Winner:     Nocturne
                           Runners-up: Dusty and Northstar

                           BEST HACK 'N' SLASHER
                              Winner:  Augustus
                           Runner-up:  Mandolin

                          BEST MUD CITIZEN (MALE)
                             Winner:  Dominic
                 Runners-up:  Farnsworth, Somar, and Tad

                          BEST MUD CITIZEN (FEMALE)
                             Winner:     Sandra
                             Runner-up:  Northstar

                              BEST STRUNG ITEM
             Winner:  TAD: His various bits of dirt.
          Runner-up:  SPENCER: his 'Zirconium encrusted tweezers'

                                BEST WARCRY
    Winner: MIZIRAQ, "I'm a mage dammit! I shouldn't have warcry!"

    Runner-up: KRETCH, "This warcry is a memorium to my cousin TRET !!!
     Done in his favorite collor BANANA YELLOW !!! You Bastards just didn't
     understand him, pardon me if I am ranting !!"

                              BEST DESCRIPTION
                              Winner:     TAD
                            a dirty Celtic lad
      A dirty little Celtic lad cocks his head to one side and giggles.

  Tad is a young celtic lad, perhaps 8 or 10 years old.  His pale blue eyes
  watch you, as a lock of reddish-brown hair falls in front of his face.  He
  pushes it back and grins slightly, as if he finds you amusing.

                            Runner-up:  LONGSHOT
                            a garishly clad fool
                     A garishly clad fool is standing here.

  This young man looks...hopeless.
  His clothes are a nightmare of mismatched colors and crude patches. An
  assortment of multi-hued sashes dangle from various limbs. A worn leather
  clasp holds unruly brown locks in a ragged pony tail. Knee-high suede
  boots adorn his legs, while a vest of blinding shades of purple and
  orange covers his chest. As he returns your glance, his dark eyes glisten
  with mischief, mouth curling into a lop-sided grin. Yet you ponder whether
  this particular book may be judged by it's outrageously garish cover...
  for as the man offers his hand in greeting, faint blue sparks become
  briefly evident upon his fingertips. Apparently he is some type of mage.
  Though his attire would seem to indicate a lengthy term as some village's
  idiot.


                         MOST LIKELY TO SUCCEED
                              Winner:  Howard
                           Runner-up:  Tad


WRITE-IN CATEGORIES (Unofficial write-ins for fun)
-------------------

Special recognition for the Pkill tourney: Satsu
Special recognition for the web pages: Chocorua

Peter Rabbit Award (for most creative use of rabbits) - Tad

Most Likely to Suicide:  Kendrik

Best Info:  JESUS killed by a Roman Legionary

Shopkeeper Least Aware of Consumer Needs:  Erich in Klein who
     only sells FIVE bandages at a time, and would surely make more
     money if he kept a more reasonable inventory.

Killed Most Innkeepers:  Phineas

Most Stomach turning moment:
Casting 'forage' getting the message 'you can't possibly find food here' 
then realizing you're in the Privy in the druid compound.
(zandy did this)

Most strings held by any person: Satsu (39)

Most disgruntled Immort:  Fionn

Most likely to restart a char with the same name:  Phineas/Stein

Most likely to restart over one thousand chars:  Rufus and Fionn

Best strung coupon giver:  Parrilyn

GM THAT NEVER DID ANYTHING (including show up):  XO

Best name..or most interesting: Lagmonster

MOST LIKELY TO FLIRT: Lathos, Tempus

MOST LIKELY TO LOSE LINK: Limerick/et al, Somar
MOST LIKELY TO LOSE LINK & WIN: Howard

BIGGEST PACKRAT: Northstar, lysander

MOST LIKELY TO DROWN: Mitra

MOST LIKELY TO LOSE EVERYTHING TO BEING OVERRENT:
      Zandy (well, not anymore...), Hero, Psytrac, Zeyxon

THE TOP DT AFICIONADO Gail, Zandy

Best Questmeister: Zaire, Eretz

Best Commander of a Golem Army: Somar, Deva, Jehovah

Best Comeback: Farnsworth, Agyar

Nobility in the Face of Adversity: Kiera, Somar, Dominic, Mercenary, Alexis,
      Tempus

Best Lines from Newbies:
      Why do I lose everything when it becomes night?
      "How do I read the help files?"
      "how do i fill a lamp"
      "can someone help me from the bog"
      Can you help me get my equipment back?
      We're supposed to TALK to them?! :)

Best line from a mobile:
      "I'll have your head, ASSASSIN_TRANS_3"
      hold my boat while i kick your butt
      X the sailor whistles appreciatively at a cat.

Best background story: Genn, Mitra, Keiko, Farnsworth

Scariest newbie experiences:
   having someone shove you headfirst into the isle of man to sherwood trans
   cave of wonders...no lamp, and the djinn revolted
      Fionn                       "hello mr. vampire!"
      Lost in Arabian desert      The Sidhe.
      Eire

Best store stock:
      Curio                         Tika before a crash.
      keeper in hol                 orchid pod
      Kuhwemeh (food in Egypt)      joe thompson (SF)

Funniest eq item: Kitty, Horsehair Codpiece, Morwynn's dead parrot,
      sneaky shoes, turds, somar's bong

Most boring activity:
      Waiting for the FI stat quest,       waiting to regen mana,
      Waiting for ticks,                   belly dancer quest,
      The industrial xp run,               sleeping,
      Medieval trans by curio shop,        buying ammo from SF,
      waiting for incense..                waiting for mv in agrabah desert

Most embarrassing rooms:
      provisioner's after killing a sacred cow
      Being trapped in that's whore's room in Klien
      no-talk rooms: gt are you there?? Hello?
      newbie hell

Biggest lack:
      slushies (cherry flavored preferably), and eggcream sodas!
      meditate for regaining mv..


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